Boston Legal 3 - Loyalty

Last Thursday (6/5/14), the guys got together for "Boston Legal 3" - possibly a tradition in the making.  J.P. hosted number three event which included reports from each of us on Global Trends and investments.  I decided to invest a small amount in each area (EPI and DDD) to track for the next 30 years :)

On the "lighter side", I brought a movie that I discovered researching the poem by Edgar Allan Poe - Eldorado (see blog 11/18/2010). We watched (in its entirety)  "Mountains of the Moon" a 1990 movie about the search for the source of the Nile.  It is amazing how well true stories and their drama can translate into a great movie experience.  I was "sparring" with J.P. in our ongoing debate about morality (and in particular Loyalty) when a scene in this movie created an "ethical debate between the two explorers.

The two friends and explorers Captain Richard Francis Burton and Lt. John Hanning Speke each have different personal reasons for searching for the Nile but agree to share the glory.  However there emerges both a dispute (about the true source) and a falling out by Lt. Speke presenting his view prematurely without a joint presentation. 

Rwenzori Mountains  Uganda

Scene:  Chapter 23    T: 2:00:36      LOYALTY
Lt. John Speke walking in the hallway leaving the Royal Geographical Society.  Isabel Arundell (Captain Richard
Burton's wife) confronts Lt. Speke in hallway.

Isabel:  Do you really  want this debate?

John:  Why Not?

Isabel: It's the last thing that Richard wants

John: Yes ...  I suppose he dreads the outcome.

Isabel: No...He knows you are incapable of assembling the proofs of your arguments
and that you will lose.

John:  I'm sorry.  I can't discuss this.  (putting her off as unworthy to discuss this further)

Isabel (emphatically):  No one - not even myself knows what you went through together. 
Those people [Royal Geographical Society] in there, they don't know and they don't care.
They need you as adversaries now and Richard doesn't.

John (visibly irritated): Then why is he here!

Isabel: He would cancel tomorrow. He knows no truth will emerge and in the absence of
truth he respects only one thing   ......   He respects LOYALTY.  

Isabel (as John walks away):  ....... John .....  he respects you.

I won't give away the ending but you are welcome to read the entire story on Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Hanning_Speke

 

Truth, Loyalty and Respect  -  A fitting trio :)

Cat People NonVerbals

Non verbal body language explains a great deal about the difference between Cat people and Dog people.  In fact Cat people are more "tuned" into non verbal communication than Dog people [generally speaking :) ].   Cats demonstrate their attitudes with their eyes, ears and tail (I've already shown many illustrations). 

Look for body signals of the Cat person to determine their inward feelings:

Eyes - Do you see any similarity between the following two pictures?

Look at the Cat person eyes - enlarged pupils indicate powerful emotions - fear, anger, suspicion but also arousal, excitement and interest.  You need to judge which side of the emotion spectrum it might be.

Ears -  Well for the human the ears are not much help.  However you can look for other facial expressions - eyebrows, wrinkles, mouth, temples etc.

Tail -  Cat people have no tail ...... but look carefully at what they are doing with their hands and feet.  When a Cat person is impatient, wanting to leave, the hand may begin to move rapidly (as if tapping) up and down on the knee or table. Or maybe the leg is jiggling or foot swerving in circles, or even knees knocking back and forth.  Careful looking under the dining table will tell you a lot about the non verbals for Cat people.

Purr  ...u rrr.....u rrrr  - You are in best shape if you can detect (visually or even audibly) the Cat person's purr.  Just like a cat there is no definitive answer why Cat people purr.  But like a Cat, there is a high probability that it indicates they are content with the situation.  Sometimes it is a self soothing/self healing state of mind - almost like a monk chanting.  It is definitely a state where they are saying:
                                                   "All is right with the World!"

And for you Dog people .........      Purring Cat means Peaceful Dog Habitat      :)
  

The Cornered Cat

It is a fallacy to think a Cat person is a "push over" - a quiet, vulnerable, intimidated, creature of a weak species.  One slice of the nose off the Dog person's face will disprove this theory.  Hence the danger of cornering a cat as further evidence of the Cat person's need to always have an exit path.

In fact, the most content cat is one that is placed in the most flexible position (e.g. on a couch ledge, or under a bed) for viewing any noise or movement that would alert them for an easy exit to safety.  Therefore the opposite of this environment is ......  backed into a corner.

 

So the best advice for a Dog person who wants to interface with Cat people is to establish environments that NEVER corner the cat!   This would include physical arrangements and plans, and/or verbal situations.

Cat in the corner is dog meat.

Cat-Control

Most Cat people are comfortable (on their terms obviously) with one on one interactions.  With enough time and space a Cat person can actually become semi-comfortable (and I stress the word - SEMI) around a Dog (and notice the word "a" - meaning ONE DOG).   I illustrated this in the first blog with Nellie (our black lab) and Freckles (our Calico Cat).  Even this one on one interaction is "Cat driven" - meaning ... WHEN ... the Cat person feels "in cat-control", THEN (and only then) will there be an interaction.

The problem multiplies exponentially when additional dogs are added to the picture. So how does a Cat person deal with situations with a multiple Dogs? 

 

How can the Cat person maintain ...... "Cat-control"!

Multiple Dog people could potentially surround the Cat which would provide no path of escape.  Add to that stress, the rapid movement, loud nature, and over excitement of Dog to Dog interaction and you have a formula for Cat "stressure" (that is my word for Cat hair raising pressure).  One of the key's to "Cat-control" is to show NO cat "stressure".

So let's set up a scenario with three couples out to dinner together (this is the toughest of all Cat "stressure" environments because of the amount of time and fixed seating arrangements).  You are the Cat person with four other Dogs and one other Cat (but the other Cat might be a Lion).  What should you do?

First  (and foremost) recognize that the Cat's are outnumbered (but at least you have some alliance with the Lion).  Second, visualize the Dogs as "dumb (and cute) puppies instead of attack Dogs (or even think of them as other Cats).  Third, establish your location (and timing expectations) and always have a contingency exit strategy.

These three fundamentals will help (but not solve) the initial dinner "preliminary pleasantries". But there are other techniques to lower the "stressure":

(1) Avoid too many conversations that involve all the Dogs simultaneously.  Remember they get excited easily, and will raise the conversational levels several decibels.
(2) Sit next to a favorite Dog (the calmest Dog) or the Lion (for protection)
(3) Practice an exit strategy (leave the table for some brief period)
(4) If you have the ability to choose a location - choose your most comfortable setting and preferably a quiet one
(5) Maintain a quiet and consistent "purr" (more about this later)

 A Cat person can survive in a group of Dogs.  It just takes continuous Cat-control.  Remember a Cat person can look like a Lion to a Dog person. :)

 

 

Cat Territory – Don’t change the terrain

Watch what a Cat does in a new environment. Take for example a bedroom – the cat will hide under the bed surveying the remaining territory for seemingly endless time. Waiting for all other people to leave the room and then some. Ever so slowing (as they do in stalking prey) the Cat begins to emerge from the bed (always with a plan of retreat) and determines the geometry of every square inch of the room working the back and forth from the perimeters to a retreating back under the bed each time.

This method of creating exact blueprints of the room provides an infinite set of exit strategies in case a dog would suddenly emerge.

And so it is with Cat people. Watch as they enter a hotel room. Since they can’t fit under the bed the first action is to find the bathroom. Like the Cat under the bed this provides time to remember the metrics of the hotel room – inventory of furniture, closets space, balcony, and even testing the adjoining locked door to an adjacent suite
.
So the more expansive the new territory (as in a vacation rental home or friend house) the more time is needed for Cat people to acclimate to the new territory. The difference between a house and a hotel room is that there could be Dog people coexisting in the same territory with easy access to the Cat person’s space.
  
So how can a Cat person minimize the stress of a change in terrain?

(1) After a brief introduction to the new terrain – both of you should leave the room giving the Cat person time to evaluate the metrics (e.g. exit strategies). This also serves the purpose of identifying the perimeter (i.e. the broader territory – floor, hotel lobby etc.) and broader exit strategies.
(2) Be quiet once the new terrain is introduced – let the Cat person concentrate on their analysis. You might even leave the room to go get something thereby simulating an entrance of an intruder upon your return.
(3) Point out the secure nature of the new terrain
(4) Unpack some items to make the terrain seem normal
(5) Open and Close the drapes to any outside openings
(6) The smaller (and more securely contained) space the better

The key objective is to provide time and space for the Cat person to adjust to new surroundings. Remember if the surroundings are not adequately secure to the Cats liking, then there is no hope of interacting with any Dogs.

You're a Cat ... They're a Dog

OK – So let's assume you’re a cat person and there are all kinds of dogs in the world, how can you survive? Yes I used the word survive because the natural state of cats and dogs is one of survival.

However there are examples where cats and dogs become acclimated to each other (example our dog Nellie with the cat Freckles) – they even become best friends.
 
So how can a dog and cat become best friends? The answer – it requires lots of time and space. Ultimately it is the decision of the cat – the cat “elects” the dog as their friend. What that really means is that the dog must “understand” and “change behavior” to win the cat’s trust. However it doesn’t mean success is all dependent on the dog, the cat must also be willing to take risks outside normal “cat risk profiles”.

 
So let’s start with the basics – the primary differences between "cat like" people and "dog like" people.

Cat people:
(1) Primarily from the DNA genre of introverted behavior (although remember Lions are cats too)
(2) Typically most comfortable in a one on one setting
(3) Likes softer tones, slower movements
(4) Need permission to be approached

Dog people:
(1) Primarily from the DNA genre of extroverted behavior (although remember there are calm breeds of dogs also)
(2) Can be one on one or excited in groups
(3) Moves fast, jumps, always licking and smelling new objects
(4) Approaches at an instant

Now these are just a starter list of stereotypical cat and dog like personalities. Naturally there are all types of breeds and variations. Understanding breeds of both types are critical to determining if a successful relationship can exist between the two.

Future Blogs will consider various Cat people issues:

(1) Cat Territory – Don’t Change the Terrain
(2) A Cat in a Group of Dogs
(3) The “Cornered” cat
(4) The Cat in a Cradle
(5) Cat’s outward signals (e.g. purring, tales and ears)

Dog Eat Cat World

I think the world of Cats and Dogs can be a great analogy to understanding your personality. Just watching them as pets has caused me to believe that people are either -  a Cat type,  or a Dog type.  It is tempting to generalize this idea into introvert (e.g. Cat) or extrovert (e.g. Dog) but there is more complexity to my premise of Cat people vs Dog people.

Regardless,  there is some basic (and primordial) tension that exists between Cats and Dogs.  This is the most difficult for the situation where the Cat person must deal with the Dogs.

My subsequent blogs will be addressing this challenge for Cat people.  How a Cat can live in a Dog eat Cat world?